December 31, 2010 Last day of the year with Mom

I don't really know how it got to be the last day of 2010-I guess I wasn't paying attention and it all just slipped by me.  I'm not going to reflect back on all the things that I have accomplished or failed at this year.  I am just glad that I am here where I am now and that I know there are many things to look forward to in this new year.  One thing I have learned in the past 7 years is to not look back and keep regrets with me but, to look ahead for what awaits me.  I try to never repeat past errors, love as deeply as I can, to give thanks for everything and every situation good or bad, to forgive and not hold grudges, and to give God the glory and praise in all things.  I may not have been a great mother but darn it I am trying to be the best Namie(NaNee) to my grandkids and a dependable mother to my girls.  I am so glad we are given second chances if we will accept them!  Okay enough now on to Martha.  I was so fortunate to have Aunt Lorraine come and stay with Mom for three hours today so I could go to Stacie and Audie's for Amie's birthday party.The time wasn't near long enough but I know that I'll have more time to spend with them in the coming months and years.  This morning Aunt Bev and Sue came to visit Mom.  They were very patient as they waited for me to bathe Mom and have her get dressed.  On any given day this is not an easy task. We all sat and had tea and tried to get Mom to eat but, she was a little wanderer today.  Aunt Lorraine came to spend some time with all of us and Mom still kept doing her own thing.  I guess she wandered off on Aunt Lorraine a bit because Lorraine said she found Mom in my craft room and she had done a bit of, let's say, rearranging.  Since she has been home I have noticed that she is very strong and has a very strong grip (especially on her pants or shirt if we are trying to remove them).  I caught her tonight trying to twist the bottom from a plastic Tupperware cup.  I remember when I was little that she was a bit rough especially when she was washing my face or legs.  I thought she was gonna rub the skin off my scrawny legs (see Amie, Stacie, and Shannon I guess that's where I got it from!!)  Dolly and Pat, do you remember that or is it my personal memory?  The funniest thing I saw today was when Mom had Nova's toy and Mom was bound and determined she was keeping the toy.  Now for those of you who have never had the privilege of meeting my delicate little girl, she is a 92 lb. German Sheperd/Pitbull with the muscle and determination of a mule.  Here is 98 lb. Martha in a tug-of-war to the death with this big dog.  I truly thought for a minute Mom may win.  Her face was red, lips were pursed, and she was tugging for all she was worth. I'm trying to tell her it's the dog's toy and even tried to get in the middle of the whole thing but Mom was determined.  Finally she dropped the toy (Mom that is) and mumbled some mumbo jumbo at the dog's direction. After dinner Mom helped clean up and then came over to the other end of the couch from where I was reading and proceeded to pick up a magazine and thumb through it.  The whole time she was looking at the magazine she was talking.  At times she reminds me very much of Aunt Bevie.  I think we sat on the couch for about an hour doing our own thing.  Then came the mini war in the bathroom over the changing of clothes.  If  looks could kill all of you would be coming to my memorial service and Shannon would be spreading my ashes over the mountains.  She actually buried her nails into my left palm.  Note to self-cut Martha's nails again, sooooon!  When we got into her room and finally got her seated on her bed I rubbed her back and she told me that it felt good.  She started to pray as I was rubbing her back and it was to the effect of Dear God take me home.  She so wants to go to heaven.  I often wonder if she is having more going on inside her little body than we know but, God knows all and will take care of all the details.  My thanks to all of you for your wonderful comments and interaction with me and my saga with my sweet little Mama. This is very helpful for me to write a few things about our day and the trial and joys of each day.  I feel like I am not alone in all this.  There are many times I feel so lonely and lost but knowing I'll be sharing with everyone in the daily blog gives me strength.  I love reading the comments the next day.  I know I am not alone in all of this because help and encouragement come to me in so many ways.  My daughters have been nothing short of angels through this, my son-in-laws such a support, my sisters - what can I say - always there no matter what, support from all the other family members, and my dear friends.  Thanks all of you.  We have no idea how long this will go on but, I know there is always one of you there if I need you.  Happy New Year to all of you.

December 30, 2010 What a great day today!

Today was probably the most relaxing that Mom and I have had.  It is exactly four weeks today that Mom and I have been living together.  The day started with a real surprise. My friends from Treadwell,, Kleug and Walsh came to visit.  Since today was the first day with a "babysitter" (thank you so much Stacie!!), I had intended with my three free hours I was going to just relax and wander about, but ended up going to lunch with my old friends.  You know it's hard to catch up on about 7 years in a few hours.  Jeanne said to not worry they know where I live and they will be back.  They have been faithful friends even when I wasn't.  Mom's sitter is Elsie Howland.  She is a soft spoken woman and Mom did well with her.  When I came back from my lunch Mom was very calm and relaxed.  I think the time away from me was good for her.  It's like a husband and wife spending 24/7 together, it's just not a good thing.  I tell you I sure am looking forward to next week when she comes again.  I was thinking today that I am very blessed to be able to have this special time with my Mother.  Alot of people don't get the opportunity that I have been afforded.  Mom spent her late afternoon and early evening wandering about and talking to her unseen friends.  I sure would like to know who she is entertaining all the time.  Before dinner I went in Mom's room to check on her and she was sitting on her bed with her legs outstretched, head against the headboard and she was just talking away.  She spent about two hours in her room folding her blankets and talking, always talking.  Jim Harvey lives on!!!!!!  She ate a good dinner and did it in record time and even ate a whole cookie.  She has really lost her taste for sweets.  Every once in a while I"ll walk by her and pop a nutty M&M in her mouth!  Oh yeah, she was putzing around after dinner and said, "Where's Pat?"  I said, "I don't know, where is she?" to which she replied, "Well, I was asking Bucky and Bonnie, where are they?" She just makes me smile.  Then before bed in the bathroom I had turned the lights out (hoping that would move her along to her bedroom-didn"t work) and she said, "Where's Dolly?"  Go figure!!  This afternoon she was in her room and I was at her dresser and she literally yelled out "Amie what did you say?"  If she had asked about Stacie and Shannon she would have covered the whole lot of the family.  Life is never dull with Martha.  Well that's about it for today. I have babbled on a bit tonight but, another thing about life with Martha, it leaves one very tired at the end of the day.

Wednesday December 29, 2010 Every day is different

Today was a very full day for Mom and I. This early am Montie came to see if he could do anything for me and brought Mom and I a box of ice cream.  He is such a kind and thoughtful man and a very faithful friend.  Then Kima, the massage therapist from Hospice came to give Mom her weekly massage (lucky Martha).  I've told Kima that I could fill in for Mom any time she wanted.  She is a very quiet, calming woman and Mom responds well to her.  Dolly came next and we had some time to talk.  Stacie and Levi arrived next on their way home from Oneonta.  Kima finished her session with Martha and left.  Next came Amie (the birthday girl -Happy Birthday again Aim-I'm glad you came into my life 33 years ago- you have blessed my life so)Chad and Genna.  We all talked and I got to spend some precious minutes with my Grandkids and kids.  I have found out even more through all this how blessed I am to have my family and their support.  I don't think I could do this whole thing if it wasn't for them and their support and love.  Thanks all of you!! Okay so then the kids left and Dolly fixed Mom some food and sat with her while she ate.  The house was quiet and Mom did her Mom thing. Last arrival was Michael, Maddie, and Bracken. Mike stayed for awhile and then left (oh yeah he left the kids with Grandma Betty to spend the night.  Mom through all of the in and out was thoroughly in her own secret world. She seems more withdrawn each day and even getting a little more frail also. Tonight at dinner she was not into eating and just acted strangely.  I hate this disease.  The selfish part of me wants to keep her here with us but, the compassionate daughter in me wants to see this suffering and indignity ended. This world will be a little less bright after Mom goes home to be with her Jesus. I often think of all the things she has taught me over the last 57 years not only by word but by example. I am overwhelmed at the many facets of Martha.  I am now still learning from her.  Well, I made myself cry, enough of that kind of thing.  Oh yes, by the way, Dolly, Pat, and I made the joint decision to take Mom off her Aricept and Namenda.  At this point they are doing her no good.  Her life and future are in God's wise hands.  Meds or no meds God will call her when He deems it her time.  That's it for now.  Let's see what tomorrow brings.  Talk with y'all tomorrow. 

December 28, 2010 Another good day with Martha

What an enjoyable day with Mom today!  My new approach to dealing with Mom seems to be working.  I was thinking today about Mom and the way she used to be.  She always moved fast and accomplished whatever she started.  I guess I was still seeing Mom the way she used to be not the way she has become.  So hopefully that will help me deal with her better.  I found also that if I let her get up and just do her "thing" she is more willing to do what I ask of her.  I tell her everything I'm gonna do like, okay now we are gonna take your pajama top off and it is seeming to work.  I was catching myself becoming the way I was when my girls were little.  I was stressing over getting "x" amount of things done in a day, I stressed if there was a mess - I was just wanting things to be perfect.  I guess with all the people from Hospice and such coming and going the perfectionist in me was coming back.  Today I reprimanded myself for worrying so much about what other people thought.  This has got to work for Mom, she is the main focus here.  So onward and upward as my Amie says.  I was preparing dinner tonight and looked over and there sat Mom in the rocking chair surrounded by her "children" sleeping.  She looked so sweet.  I can remember her sitting with my girls in her lap and sitting with her eyes closed just resting.  These are the memories that will soothe me the rest of my life. At dinner tonight, Mom picked up the smallest of her children and was holding it in the crook of her arm, the  same as mothers down through the ages have done, and finished eating her dinner.  The Hospice nurse asked me if Mom had always been so taken with children and I told her of course I can't remember how she was with my sisters and I but, that is exactly how she was with her grandchildren and any other child she came into contact with.  We are so blessed to have such a precious matriarch in our family.  Tonight as we were finishing dinner Mom looked tired and I asked her if she felt tired and she said yes.  Then she said, "If Jesus doesn't come.......then she dropped her as if she were dying.  Don't you really wonder what goes on in the petite gray head?  Onto tomorrow.....................

December 27, 2010 a much more enjoyable day with Martha

I awakened this morning with a bit of fear that today would mirror yesterday.  Well, to start, the water had frozen but thanks to Cousin Kip the heat tape was plugged in and water was freely running.  Mom was very quiet in her room for a long time (thanks to the baby monitor I knew this). So after a bit of time I opened the door and Mom was lying in bed talking to the unseen and moving her hands about. All morning I had been thinking of the right approach to use in dealing with Mom.  I went in and she looked right through me.  So, I sat on the bed for a few minutes and just talked to her.  Then I asked her if I could help her get out of bed.  She mumbled something so I took it as a yes.  After some wincing (Mom that is not me), she sat up.  We took our time getting to the potty.  I think this may be the way to deal with her.  Aunt Lorraine had said she wonders if somewhere in her mind she knows she has lost some of her dignity.  I decided to give her some more choices and take as much time as it takes to finish a task.  This is hard for me because I like to finish things as quickly as possible so I can move on to the next and accomplish as much in one day as possible (oh yeah Martha, thanks for passing that on to me!!!).  Needless to say, the day went quite well.  After washing up she stayed in her P.J.'s all day and seemed happy. I moved the rocker closer to the table so she could see her "children" as she had her meals.  By the way, she ate quite well today.  She and I laughed and she told me some whopper stories.  We even did the potty thing a few times and had no incidences at all.  After dinner she seemed to wind down and I thought she was ready for bed when she got her second wind.  We had the Dukes of Hazzard on (I really am not pleased with Dish Network but oh well.....) and the Duke boys were crawling into the General Lee when Mom went right up to the TV and said "You'd better do what he says or you'll be dead, DED, dead": I thought I would crack a rib laughing at that one.  I love my sweet little innocent Mom.  The Hospice nurse and I decided today that Mom can't take much stimulation and that is when quite often she acts out.  Like Mother like Daughter!!  She does love my dog Nova but keeps her in line especially when she chases the cat.  But, oh she hates it when I send Nova to her cage.  She'll say, "aw the poor little thing she's crying".  Kind of the way she protected her granddaughters from the mean parents. Tonight out of the blue Mom asked me if she was nice to me.  I told her most of the time she was but, last night she was mean and hit me.  She responded by telling me she shouldn't do that, to which I responded that we love each other and we'll just be nicer to each other then she was off on one of her long stories about something.  Each day I learn a new way of doing something and am so thankful that God is with me through all of this.  Many a time in the day I cry out to Him for His help and guidance.  He has not failed me.  I am so thankful for my family, too.  My girls have been a rock to me, so faithful and thoughtful.  Thanks girls I am so proud of you.  Dolly calls almost everyday to check on me and give a little pep talk.  Patty and I converse often and even though she is so far away she still does what she can.  She supports my choices.  I am truly blessed with such a faithful family of strong women!!  That's about all I can think of to say.  The saga of Martha will continue tomorrow.  Goodnight.

Sunday, December 26 with Martha...

Today seemed to start nicely.  Mom stayed in bed sleeping on and off until about 11:00am after that she just laid there talking to whomever she talks to. Shannon and I had the time to take the tree and decorations down and stored in the garage. After Shannon left I got Mom up and she had her usual cranky I don't want to get up why do I have to do this.  Into the bathtub with more fight from Mom.  Aunt Lorraine came to visit and have tea and waited very patiently until Mom was ready.  She was very unsteady on her feet and seemed to lean backwards as she walked.  Into the kitchen we went to have tea and Mom to have lunch.  She ate quite well with some guidance and much patience.  She and Aunt Lorraine spent time sitting on the couch with a couple of Mom's "babies".  After Aunt Lorraine left, Mom wandered around (she has regained her stability) and just did her thing.  Well onto dinner - she takes about and hour to eat a meal because she has a lot of conversations with her world.  She isn't doing very well with dining utensils and uses  her fingers on and off.  At one point during the meal she grabbed the sides of the table top and stated that she had to get this window opened.  The things she says add much needed humor to our day.  Well, off to get ready for bed and the usual battle begins.  Tonight I got the first slap from Mom in, oh let's see, about 40+ years, and not just one but two and only light ones either.  Life sure does hold many surprises!!  Off to bed and looking like a delicate angel.  The stinging on the side of my face says differently.
So this was our day today December 26, 2010.  Anyone looking for a job?  Goodnight to all.

Christmas Cont'd

Well, I got Mom out of bed at 3pm for Christmas dinner. Needless to say, she was in her own world. Unable to hold her own weight up, we followed her around holding her arm, so she did not fall. At the dinner table she was feeding herself  invisible food with her invisible silverware, she looked cute because she would say "mmmm" after every invisible bite. I have noticed a sharp decline in mom since last week, even as early as yesterday. Hospice informed me that she would have days like these and that they would become more frequent. For those who saw Mom in the hospital, can recall the strange hand movements she would do. Well she is back to doing them again, grasping for things that aren't there, pulling invisible strings, folding and shaking out invisible towels and other random movements. I suppose we will see what tomorrow brings, but tonite was the first I have seen this behavior since her stroke and the first night I haven't been hit or yelled at by mom, which is a BIG plus. Let's continue to pray that God do his will and not let Mom suffer anymore than she has to.

A change on Christmas

This is not the type of Christmas that I had imagined we would have with Mom.  I expected that Mom would probably sleep through Shannon and I opening presents and then we would sit with her while she opened hers and then have breakfast together.  Wellllllll...... this is the way it went.  Shannon and I got up at 7:00 and tip toed around.  We had the baby monitor on for awhile but, there was no sound other than breathing from her room.  In the middle of opening our gifts Mom came out and went to the bathroom.  When I went in with her she showed no interest in joining us for the gift opening festivities.  Later I went to her room to get her up and she refused.  She acts like she is crying when you try and have her do something she doesn't want to do.  So her bedroom door has been open, my dog Nova has been in to visit a few times but Mom is still lying in bed.  It is now 1:45pm.  She is very contentedly lying there looking around her room and talk to some unknown.  Hospice told me this would happen at times.  I must say it has been very relaxing and "quiet".  Mom is quite a handful!

Martha's new venacular

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to keep a running list of funny things Mom (Martha) says. Just as a child never out lives the cute things they say as toddlers, I want to record and remember her words.

 So far this is my personal favorite quote of Mom (Martha)

1. On Dec 23rd Betty and her husband Neil stopped by to exchange Christmas presents. As sundowner's syndrome began to kick in at 3 p.m, Mom began talking loudly and with passion. She mainly babbles nonsensical words and phrases she makes up along the way, but there are times when she comes out clear as day. Upon going into one of her spurts, she turned to her left with conviction and vigor and told Neil,
"I'll slap the Christ right out of you!"
Needless to say, she had us in utter shock and hysterical laughter

2. When Mom (Martha) is puzzled about something one of her favorite phrases is
    "What the how much is that?"

3. Again, there are times when Mom (Martha) cannot articulate how she feels or the right words to say, leaving her phrases sounding as something you would find in a Dr. Suess book. Such as:
    "Please don't let them clip my sweet boats"

I hope you enjoyed the first act of the this play of Mom's. I'm sure as the days go on, there will be many more.