December 31, 2010 Last day of the year with Mom

I don't really know how it got to be the last day of 2010-I guess I wasn't paying attention and it all just slipped by me.  I'm not going to reflect back on all the things that I have accomplished or failed at this year.  I am just glad that I am here where I am now and that I know there are many things to look forward to in this new year.  One thing I have learned in the past 7 years is to not look back and keep regrets with me but, to look ahead for what awaits me.  I try to never repeat past errors, love as deeply as I can, to give thanks for everything and every situation good or bad, to forgive and not hold grudges, and to give God the glory and praise in all things.  I may not have been a great mother but darn it I am trying to be the best Namie(NaNee) to my grandkids and a dependable mother to my girls.  I am so glad we are given second chances if we will accept them!  Okay enough now on to Martha.  I was so fortunate to have Aunt Lorraine come and stay with Mom for three hours today so I could go to Stacie and Audie's for Amie's birthday party.The time wasn't near long enough but I know that I'll have more time to spend with them in the coming months and years.  This morning Aunt Bev and Sue came to visit Mom.  They were very patient as they waited for me to bathe Mom and have her get dressed.  On any given day this is not an easy task. We all sat and had tea and tried to get Mom to eat but, she was a little wanderer today.  Aunt Lorraine came to spend some time with all of us and Mom still kept doing her own thing.  I guess she wandered off on Aunt Lorraine a bit because Lorraine said she found Mom in my craft room and she had done a bit of, let's say, rearranging.  Since she has been home I have noticed that she is very strong and has a very strong grip (especially on her pants or shirt if we are trying to remove them).  I caught her tonight trying to twist the bottom from a plastic Tupperware cup.  I remember when I was little that she was a bit rough especially when she was washing my face or legs.  I thought she was gonna rub the skin off my scrawny legs (see Amie, Stacie, and Shannon I guess that's where I got it from!!)  Dolly and Pat, do you remember that or is it my personal memory?  The funniest thing I saw today was when Mom had Nova's toy and Mom was bound and determined she was keeping the toy.  Now for those of you who have never had the privilege of meeting my delicate little girl, she is a 92 lb. German Sheperd/Pitbull with the muscle and determination of a mule.  Here is 98 lb. Martha in a tug-of-war to the death with this big dog.  I truly thought for a minute Mom may win.  Her face was red, lips were pursed, and she was tugging for all she was worth. I'm trying to tell her it's the dog's toy and even tried to get in the middle of the whole thing but Mom was determined.  Finally she dropped the toy (Mom that is) and mumbled some mumbo jumbo at the dog's direction. After dinner Mom helped clean up and then came over to the other end of the couch from where I was reading and proceeded to pick up a magazine and thumb through it.  The whole time she was looking at the magazine she was talking.  At times she reminds me very much of Aunt Bevie.  I think we sat on the couch for about an hour doing our own thing.  Then came the mini war in the bathroom over the changing of clothes.  If  looks could kill all of you would be coming to my memorial service and Shannon would be spreading my ashes over the mountains.  She actually buried her nails into my left palm.  Note to self-cut Martha's nails again, sooooon!  When we got into her room and finally got her seated on her bed I rubbed her back and she told me that it felt good.  She started to pray as I was rubbing her back and it was to the effect of Dear God take me home.  She so wants to go to heaven.  I often wonder if she is having more going on inside her little body than we know but, God knows all and will take care of all the details.  My thanks to all of you for your wonderful comments and interaction with me and my saga with my sweet little Mama. This is very helpful for me to write a few things about our day and the trial and joys of each day.  I feel like I am not alone in all this.  There are many times I feel so lonely and lost but knowing I'll be sharing with everyone in the daily blog gives me strength.  I love reading the comments the next day.  I know I am not alone in all of this because help and encouragement come to me in so many ways.  My daughters have been nothing short of angels through this, my son-in-laws such a support, my sisters - what can I say - always there no matter what, support from all the other family members, and my dear friends.  Thanks all of you.  We have no idea how long this will go on but, I know there is always one of you there if I need you.  Happy New Year to all of you.