January 17, 2011 I feel the end nearing

  Today has seen a big change in my little Mother.  She is no longer getting out of bed, she's responding very little to voices, and has taken in very little nourishment.  The Hospice aid came today and could not believe the decline since she saw her last Thursday.  She did give Mom a bed bath and we have started to dress her for convenience.  Shannon and I were gone this afternoon and our private aid sat with Mom.  She is quite a nice lady.  When I called to check on Mom she said she had given Mom some liquid on this thing that is a small piece of sponge on a stick and had been keeping her lips moistened with lip balm. Amie felt led to come and spend some time with her Grams, so she relieved the sitter. When we got home Amie had gotten some Ensure in Mom.  After awhile I got Mom to take about 9/10th of a pudding cup.  One of the deacon's from Mom's church stopped after work to visit. He is a large guy with a booming voice.  Apparently, he and Mom had a lot of good times over the years.  He said he loved Mom's mischievous side.  He has a picture of her at a Mother/Daughter tea with wacky hats and she was making a face - he has it on his desk at his home.  He said that in July she told him that she liked him because he made her think of her Bucky and then proceeded to give him a hug.
  Stacie came by tonight and brought a CD of old hymn sung by Alan Jackson.  We had been playing a CD of the sounds of nature and the call of the Loon.  We put the hymn CD in the player and the girls said she would kind of lift her eyebrows.  She never could sing well but, she enjoyed music.  For the last couple of weeks she has been humming.  We plan on leaving the music playing very softly all night.  The words of the old hymns seem to give her comfort.  I will say one thing - you can feel peace when you enter this home.  I know that the angels are comforting Mom every second.  Mom is so ready to go home.  Today I was thinking about her and all I could imagine is that Mom is on the train just waiting for the engine to build up enough steam to take her home to glory.  Maybe our prayers will be the steam to get that danged train a moving for her.  I have had a few teary times today when I think about walking about Mom's home and she won't be here.  I have thought about how I won't be able to get my kisses whenever I want them.  But, then I think how dumb I am because it won't be that long and I'll see Mom again and she'll be perfect and she'll know who I am!!
  Well, I had to leave you all for about an hour.  Mom was making some noises and I went to check her.  She was awake and so I sat with her.  She'd look at me and move her eyebrows.  I asked her if she was thirsty and I think I read a yes on her face.  I gave her some water and she seemed to enjoy it so I thought I'd try my luck further and offered her applesauce.  That was a big hit - she ate about 1/3rd cup of that.  No real trouble swallowing even while lying down.  I started singing along with Alan Jackson and she seemed to really like that.  She'd lift her eyebrows and even give a smile - now I know it wasn't my voice doing that - I really know it was over the words of the hymns.  Alot of them were about going to heaven and then the words to the Old Rugged Cross.  I have to tell you  I had a lot of tears falling down my cheeks but, I will cherish that time with her forever.  I did a lot of thinking today and I kept going back to the same thought - I am so blessed to have such caring kids, family, and amazing friends.  Mom would be very proud of all of you for the way you have supported me in her care, the love that has been flowing, the response to the blog, - she'd be telling you all that she was proud of you.  I'm off to check once more on Mama before I go to sleep - I am rather weary today.  So off to pray with Mom.   Thanks for all your prayers, I feel them at work everyday and night.